The most ridiculous news stories you've ever heard

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sasuketo uzuchihamaki

I GO BY ICYCOLDLAVA™ NOW
I heard on the news that this 4 year old boy shot his babysitter because he stepped on his foot. The babysitter didn't take him seriously, but he got wounded on his arms. He survived, though. http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2009/01/cops-angry-4-ye.html Woah, talk about anger issues, huh?

This one is about a woman who shot herself trying to shoot mice. It busted her kneecap, and hit her husband's balls. http://www.ktvu.com/news/16820621/detail.html I'm sorry if I sound like a jackass, but this one made me laugh.

So... yeah... just show what ridiculous news stories you can remember, or discuss these ones.
 
News in spoiler tags for questionable material.
[spoiler:aef725da3c]
Sankaku Complex said:
<Flame> A teacher who, in order to relieve himself of 'stress' repeatedly fondled the chest of his 10-year-old pupil and filmed her and her classmates, has been dismissed from his post and charged with sexual assault.
<Flame> The teacher (34) repeatedly fondled the breasts (such as they might be) of one of his fourth year elementary school pupils in the classroom; it is not clear if this took place during class, although this seems unlikely.
<Flame> In addition to this, the teacher also succumbed to the urge to film his fondling, and was also found to have been repeatedly filming his other charges whilst they changed into their PE gear.
<Flame> He excuses himself thus: "I did it to relieve myself of stress. I've done a really stupid thing. I regret this from the bottom of my heart."
<Flame> He was finally arrested for the offences, which took place in April and May, on the 24th of December. He has been charged with indecent assault, and sacked from his position.

And in a more recent article

Sankaku Complex said:
<Flame> A teacher who claims he was overtaken by malign urges molested at least 21 schoolgirls at the PE club he ran for several years has been arrested. His victims may number many more. He told the girls he was giving them a massage or taping their joints, but instead used the opportunity to feel their bodies…
<Flame> The middle school teacher, in his 50s, apparently called the girls in his club to secluded spots, such as the principal’s office or classrooms (presumably when they were unoccupied), where under the pretence of massaging them or taping their joints, he would be touching them to sate his own lolicon lust.
<Flame>His molestation of his pupils had apparently started one summer two years ago, and continued until the present, so his victims may be much more numerous than the 21 current investigations have discovered.
<Flame>All this came to light when 11 of the girls approached another teacher and explained what he was doing. The next day the principal reported the matter to the local board of education, and the teacher was put under house arrest the same day.
<Flame> The hentai teacher admits his crimes: “The Devil came over me. I regret it. Even if it takes my whole life, I want to make up for this.”
<Flame> The board of education makes no further comment, claiming it is investigating the matter carefully. ~Via Sankei.
<Flame> There is no word on what charges he faces, though previous incidents along these lines suggest that at the very least he may no longer be expected to teach classes of schoolgirls…
[/spoiler:aef725da3c]
 
sasuketo uzuchihamaki said:
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847 A Man tries to pay his bill with a drawing of a spider, haha.

This is some of the funniest shit I have ever seen.
 
[spoiler:cbcb6d9346]
Sankaku Complex said:
A university professor (62), who taught logic, over a twenty year period called over a thousand of his female students to his office, where he would beguile them with logic into allowing him to fondle their breasts.

He used the same argument each time, and only recently did a student manage to see through it, resulting in his arrest.

His technique was bizarre, but highly logical:

First the professor would call his chosen students to his office, for a lesson in logic:

“I can touch you without laying so much as a finger on you” he would say.

The perplexed students would naturally tend to respond “Impossible.”

If they did, he would follow through with “If I can’t do it, I’ll give you ¥1,000.”

If the student agreed to the “wager”, he would immediately pull out his wallet, hand them a ¥1,000 note, and then begin brazenly fondling their breasts.

Those students who complained of sexual harassment or worse, he would silence with the following line of argument: “As you in fact gave verbal assent to the contract and accepted the ¥1,000 fee, the contract is complete. It’s meaningless to try to take this to court.”

He continued this same tactic for some 20 years without issue, and his victims are thought to number over a thousand. None it seems could overcome his logical arguments, or possessed knowledge of the fact that illegal contracts are unenforceable.

Only recently it seems did a student actually bring this to the attention of the proper authorities; he was soon arrested on charges of indecent assault.

Police are scathing, and are look at adding as many charges as they possibly can: “He abused his knowledge of logic to undertake this dastardly scheme.”

Via (the very dubious) Kyoko.

This unfortunate career of minor infamy certainly place the professor’s reputation in the gutter, but we must also wonder at either the intelligence, or the virtues of his student victims.

Buying his line says little about their wits, whilst settling for a bargain basement groper’s fee of 1,000 also says even less about them…
[/spoiler:cbcb6d9346]
 
Chaos Zero 64 said:
A n00b who accused Mystic of banning him, and wanting to kill him.

Um...was it that video?
Thats was fake

Also one guy put his pubes in steak. O_o

One man wanted his kidney back after his wife divorced him.
 
Anything from Fox News or MSNBC. Fox News is full of right-wing nutjobs, and MSNBC is full of left-wing nutjobs. (Note: I suppose I am more leaning towards MSNBC because I'm extremely liberal, but I have to say that both programs are far too dogmatic.)
 
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