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Chrispy

Chrispy

Developer
Sonic Team Junior
Talking muffins

These muffins are in an oven. One muffin looks at the other and says, "Hot enough for ya?"

The other muffin replies, "OH MY GOD a talking muffin!!"

Tech support

I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.

Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."

Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."

I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.

Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."

Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."

And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled "BANG HEAD HERE."

God and the blonde

A blonde a brunette and a red head all die and when you die you need to pass a test to go to heaven. God tells you 100 jokes (1 joke per step in a staircase) and if you laugh at one of them you have to start over again at the bottom of the steps. The brunette goes 10 steps and laughs, the red head goes 7 steps and laughs, and the blonde goes 99 steps and laughs.

Why did the blonde make it so far without laughing?

She just got the first joke!!

Magic mirror

There is a mirror that if you tell it a lie you are sucked into the mirror but if you tell the truth you are given money. A brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the tallest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror. A few minutes later a ginger haired person walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the fattest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror. The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror. She stares deep into it and says, "I think," and shazam...

Are computers male or female?


Are Computers Male or Female?

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.
 
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

A blonde was in a car in Arizona, listening to the radio. The guy on the radio was telling blonde jokes, so she turned it off, annoyed. Soon after that, she saw a blonde in the middle of the desert trying to row a boat. She stopped the car and got out. She yelled to the blonde, "It's blondes like you that make the regular ones look stupid! If I could swim, I'd go out there and give you a piece of my mind!
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape...

He smiles and ask: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
 
A Genie Story

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So .. what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years ... I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said , "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for . . a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the Stupid map again.
 
Not logic
Kid: -Hey mum! I want a new skate!
Mum: -Why? Aren't your courtains wet enough?
Lesson: There was no chalk left.
 
Yes, I know. It's simply not logic.
Back here, we call it what can be translated as: "dry" ones. No fun what so ever.
 
You've made heard this before.
What do you call cheese that isnt yours.
Nacho cheese.
Really not funny at all...
 
Okay, I edited this slightly to make sure it wouldn't get tagged by a mod. The only difference is in the stories themselves, not in the punchline. Enjoy!

God is having a good day so he decides to do a special offer on who gets to go to heaven. He declares that today, whoever had a really BAD day when they died (worse than just dying, of course) gets in. So, signs for this are posted around the pearly gates, and Peter is doing his usual business, deciding whether people get in or stay out.

A guy comes up to him and Peter asks what his day was like before he died. The guy starts talking:

"Well, you're not going to believe this. I'm just getting out of the doctor's office; he told me that I seemed to be having heart trouble and that I should take it easy the next couple of days. After the appointment I head back to my apartment, but when I open the door, the apartment is totally wrecked. It's obvious that someone had just broken in. There's a pair of muddy shoes I'd never seen before lying on the doorstep; I guess the guy didn't want to leave tracks or something, but it means that he's STILL THERE somewhere. I then see the balcony doors are open; I rush over, and there's some strange guy hanging on the edge of the balcony with his hands! And he's BAREFOOT! I get furious, and start stepping on and kicking his hands, until he slips and falls to the ground. I look down, and it looks like he landed on a bush or something; either way, he's still alive. Still furious, I run through my apartment looking for something to throw at him. For some odd reason, the first thing that comes to mind is my refrigerator. So I unplug that, roll it over, and push it off the balcony. It crushes the guy. Combination of the heart problems, the work to push the refrigerator, and the excitement of finally getting the thief gets to me. I have a heart attack, and, well, here I am."

Peter thinks for a minute, and says, "Okay, good enough, you're in. NEXT!"

Another guy comes up to Peter, and after Peter prompts him, starts talking:

"Well, you're not going to believe this. I was minding my own business, about ready to start my daily exercises. I took my shoes off and went out on the balcony, because it was a beautiful day out. I slipped on something, I don't know what, and next thing I knew, I was falling. I managed to catch my hands on the balcony just below mine, and was about ready to climb up, when this guy came running out screaming at me! He started stepping on and kicking my hands, screaming "Thief! Thief!" This guy was acting insane! Well, he finally managed to shove me off, and I found myself falling again. This time, I landed in the bushes around the apartment building, and finally thought I was save. Wrong. The crazy guy then pulls out, of all things, his REFRIGERATOR, and pushes it over the balcony! Well, it had nowhere else to land but on me, so that's why I'm here right now."

Doing his best to control himself, Peter allows the second man to pass, and when he gets out of earshot, begins laughing hysterically. He finally manages to calm down enough when a third man walks up to him. Peter urges him to explain what happened before he died, so the third guy starts talking:

"Well, you're not going to believe this. I'm barefoot in this refrigerator..."
 
A man Throws a Boulder into a jet engine. it gets torn to bits. A second man throws a small cotton puff into the engine, it stops it dea in its tracks. then it starts up again. A third man throws a braz doll into the engine, the second man burns to bits. The first man throws chuck norris into the engine and we all fall down, to hell. But a forth man throws a bratz doll into the engine. and he hears screaming! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

(i misspelled some words because of blocking purposes)
 
I have 3 pie's a thef stole 1 how many pie's do I have left? I will still have 3 pie's left because I had the pie cutting knife, and stab him in his heart NOTE* Dont get mix with my food and MATH!! :lol:
 
The Yellow Blue Dude said:
Shadow Hog said:
A man walks into a bar.

The following ducks, and a third climbs over it.
Click to expand...

Heres another joke with a bar.

3 Blonds walk into a bar,

"ouch"!
Click to expand...


Here is one about blondes:


How does a blonde kill a fish?
 
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