AuraDragoon
Member
I know it's been over a year since the last reply and it's taken me over two years to work up the courage to come here and post my story.
My old name is one that faded into the memories of the community and I'd rather keep it that way, I was a stupid teenager who had recently reached adulthood and didn't know anything other than my own ego at the time.
But that's what made me particularly vulnerable to Mystic's influence. Because I never had any sort of guidance in my life, I saw Mystic as the way an adult should behave and carry themselves. I wanted to be part of his clique, because I felt that if I was more like him, I'd become well liked by society as a whole. I looked up to him and wanted to be like him. I thought he was the pinnacle of game design because this was the person that made Mystic Realm, my favorite mod for 1.09.4... while the original game felt like a tech demo, Mystic Realm was its own separate game that was massive and I was in awe. I wanted to be a level designer and game designer like Mystic. Thing is... I never had the gift for it, nor is it something I ultimately enjoyed doing, but it didn't stop me from trying. I received some ridicule from the fandom back then for the lazy and frankly horrible crap I put out.
Admittedly, that should've told me a few things, but it didn't and I'd not try to stop pursuing game design even to this day as a form of creative outlet, but that's neither here nor there. The real point was... in trying to be more like Mystic, it was kind of like a frog in boiling water situation as well as a pot calling the kettle black situation. I had become just as big of a bully as he was, although some people would use... different, much more vitriolic terms to describe me, but I was blind to it... yet I could see him as this massive bully. That's when I started to really dislike him... I'd get into fights with him and his cadre all the time. I mean there was once a time I disliked D00D64 because I saw him as aligned with Mystic, but now he has my respect.
Eventually, I left the community after getting rejected. I saw Mystic as this massive bully and this community at the time as protecting him. Instead of properly move on, I more or less kept focusing on what happened and my dislike turned to hatred. But yet, I was blind to the irony in front of me. I wouldn't return to lurking until 2017 and I didn't interact with the community at all for a long while. Even now I'm really just here to speak my story for closure and then vanish again.
Like I said earlier... I became a bully because I looked up to Mystic. I haven't been a good person in the past and it's taken me 16 years to get the help I need to finally break the cycle. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have any regrets about bullying anyone, especially kids. Sometimes that regret is crushing and I wonder if I would've been different if Mystic wasn't around.
As someone from the Final Demo days, I can say that the new staff is much better than the old staff and that both this game and this community are far better without Mystic and his yes men.
And to anyone I was a jerk to back then, you may not remember me, but I'm nonetheless sorry for my actions.
My old name is one that faded into the memories of the community and I'd rather keep it that way, I was a stupid teenager who had recently reached adulthood and didn't know anything other than my own ego at the time.
But that's what made me particularly vulnerable to Mystic's influence. Because I never had any sort of guidance in my life, I saw Mystic as the way an adult should behave and carry themselves. I wanted to be part of his clique, because I felt that if I was more like him, I'd become well liked by society as a whole. I looked up to him and wanted to be like him. I thought he was the pinnacle of game design because this was the person that made Mystic Realm, my favorite mod for 1.09.4... while the original game felt like a tech demo, Mystic Realm was its own separate game that was massive and I was in awe. I wanted to be a level designer and game designer like Mystic. Thing is... I never had the gift for it, nor is it something I ultimately enjoyed doing, but it didn't stop me from trying. I received some ridicule from the fandom back then for the lazy and frankly horrible crap I put out.
Admittedly, that should've told me a few things, but it didn't and I'd not try to stop pursuing game design even to this day as a form of creative outlet, but that's neither here nor there. The real point was... in trying to be more like Mystic, it was kind of like a frog in boiling water situation as well as a pot calling the kettle black situation. I had become just as big of a bully as he was, although some people would use... different, much more vitriolic terms to describe me, but I was blind to it... yet I could see him as this massive bully. That's when I started to really dislike him... I'd get into fights with him and his cadre all the time. I mean there was once a time I disliked D00D64 because I saw him as aligned with Mystic, but now he has my respect.
Eventually, I left the community after getting rejected. I saw Mystic as this massive bully and this community at the time as protecting him. Instead of properly move on, I more or less kept focusing on what happened and my dislike turned to hatred. But yet, I was blind to the irony in front of me. I wouldn't return to lurking until 2017 and I didn't interact with the community at all for a long while. Even now I'm really just here to speak my story for closure and then vanish again.
Like I said earlier... I became a bully because I looked up to Mystic. I haven't been a good person in the past and it's taken me 16 years to get the help I need to finally break the cycle. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have any regrets about bullying anyone, especially kids. Sometimes that regret is crushing and I wonder if I would've been different if Mystic wasn't around.
As someone from the Final Demo days, I can say that the new staff is much better than the old staff and that both this game and this community are far better without Mystic and his yes men.
And to anyone I was a jerk to back then, you may not remember me, but I'm nonetheless sorry for my actions.