Name anyone who claims to be a Sonic fan and has never made an exception that normally comes with it.
I'm a Sonic fan, but I hate chocolate ice cream.
---
I think your comparison of Sonic fans to narcissistic abusers is a little off the mark, but to the topic at hand:
There are absolutely people who don't fit your description. They're usually just smart enough to keep to themselves and stay out of the public light. They don't engage with the greater fandom for the most part, it being an utter cesspool of toxicity, doomerism, and bootlicking all in the same pot.
Frankly, I don't think the Sonic fanbase is special in that regard. It's probably a bit *more* toxic than average, but in general, every fandom is like this. Every single one, without fail. As soon as you go further than skin deep you start to run into awful people.
The unfortunate issue with Sonic that makes its fanbase so polarized is that, as amperbee touched on, the quality of his games are rarely, if ever, consistent. The genesis Sonic era, widely considered to be Sonic's golden age, only lasted about 6 years before they started to run into problems. The Adventure games were mildly controversial from the start, particularly SA2, and then it just went downhill from there. Even when they started to pick up steam again with Unleashed and Generations, they still managed to bung it up with Lost World (a game I don't think is too bad, but generally considered a step down). Forces speaks for itself. He's only recently started to re-appear in the public consciousness with the massive success of the movies and both of his recent games, Frontiers and Superstars - games that are generally considered solid but don't come rent-free.
The other issue is that Sonic has never maintained a consistent identity. Sonic means something different to everyone. First it was a 2D platformer where you used momentum and level geometry to your advantage, explore to your heart's content, and the classic Nature vs Technology theme. Then a more linear 3D platformer more grounded in real-life and government conspiracy plots. Then Unleashed came along with its more simplistic, split-second reaction-based gameplay in the form of the Boost, and a tone not too dissimilar from a Saturday morning cartoon. Then Lost World came and threw all that out the window. Then Forces... was Forces, and now Sonic is leaning more heavily into the shonen anime in a sandbox platformer with a focus on combat and insane spectacle.
This is the case across all forms of media, too. Look at the cartoons - first we had SatAM, a darker and grittier take on classic Sonic. Then Sonic X, a more kid-friendly anime approach. Then the movies came along with their OWN interpretation of the same character, and now Prime, the evil TV show that allegedly poisoned the water supply, burnt the crops, and fucked your wife.
No 5 years of Sonic has ever been consistent in its tone, identity, gameplay, or quality of content. Compare to something like, for example, the Metroid series, that I don't think has *ever* had a bad game and which have remained relatively consistent in their approach. Metroid games are almost always critical darlings, with the exception of Other M and even then that's just considered "alright".
---
Thankfully I am blessed to be able to enjoy the majority of Sonic content. I'll always be partial to the classics + Superstars and I consider Mania to be my all-time favorite game, but I can get enjoyment from most any Sonic game that isn't Heroes. I have so much fun just dicking around in Frontiers' open zone and trying to beat my best times in Cyber Space. Most people aren't as easy to please as I am, though, and Sonic tends to attract the very specific kind of opinionated jackass. I *am* quite opinionated when it comes to Sonic, and there are parts of the franchise that I have choice words for, but at the end of the day, I just don't have the time, patience, or energy to scream and yell about this stuff anymore. I've seen too many examples of unhealthy behavior to want to follow in those footsteps.
If you like Sonic, you like Sonic. You don't need anyone's permission or approval to be that. Just remember that, at the end of the day, we all want the same thing - good games.
(I also have the controversial opinion that any attempt at classic Sonic in 3D is doomed from the start, and would take the stars to align to get right. The closest game to do that in my opinion is SRB2 and to a lesser extent Adventure 1.)