How the Eggman stole Christmas

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Dr Ivo Robotnik

Dr Ivo Robotnik

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You’re a cruel one, Dr. Eggman
you really are a troll
you’re as cuddly as a caterkiller
you’re as charming as an orbinaut, Dr. Eggman
you’re a rotten egg with a foul crunchy shell

You’re a madman, Dr. Eggman.
your heart’s a metal machine
your brain is full of motobugs
you’ve got eggs in your soul, Dr. Eggman
I wouldn’t touch you with a forty-two-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a foul one, Dr. Eggman
you have termites in your moustache
you have all the tender sweetness
of a tasteless Vector, Dr. Eggman.
given the choice between the two of you
I’d take the tasteless Vector!

You’re rotten, Dr. Eggman
you’re the emperor of sinful sots
your heart’s a dead potato splotched
With moldy green spots, Dr. Eggman
you’re a triple decker Ande Ki
and chilli-dog sandwich topped with vinegar!

You sicken me, Dr. Eggman
with a sickening super “sick”
you’re a twisted filthy jockey
and you drive a filthy drillcar, Dr. Eggman
your soul is an appalling junk yard
overflowing with the most disgraceful collection of scrap imaginable
bunched up in crunched up knots!

You’re a foul one, Dr. Eggman
you’re a horrible abhorrent Slicer
your heart is full of off date eggs
your soul is full of mack, Dr. Eggman
the three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote.
“eat, ate, eaten”​
 
Doesn't quite fit into the meter... Mission is a complete FAILURE.

Well, Doctor, back under your rock, see you next year. (Seriously, he posts here what, once a year?)
 
It would be more fun if one could find a comfortable way to sing the "Dr. Eggman" bits at the end without sounding weird.
 
I never finished this, but here's what I had:

Every SFGHQ Member
Down in SFGHQ-ville
Liked fangames a lot...
But Yuji,
Who lived just East of SFGHQ-ville,
Did NOT!
Yuji hated fangames! The whole SAGE event!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows why he vents.
It could be that his team wasn't kept together tight.
It could be, perhaps, that they all left for Artoon in the '99 flight.
But I think that the most likely reason to be a pig
May have been that his ego was two sizes too big.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His ego or the team that ran,
He stood there on SAGE Eve, hating the fans,
Staring down from his executive chair with a sour Naka frown
At the warm lighted modems below in their town.
For he knew every fan down in SFGHQ-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a SAGE sign wreath.
"And they're uploading their booths!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is SAGE! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Naka fingers nervously programming,
"I MUST find a way to keep SAGE from happening!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...All the fans, girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The modem NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the fans, young and old, would sit, to download and play.
And they'd play! And they'd play!
And they'd PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!
They would start on RetroSonic, and then SRB2,
Which was something Naka couldn't stand in his shoe!
And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every fan down in SFGHQ-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with SAGE hit counters rattling.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the fans would start chatting!
They'd chat! And they'd chat!
AND they'd CHAT! CHAT! CHAT! CHAT!
And the more Naka thought of the whole SAGE chat
The more Naka thought, "I must stop this where it's at!
"Why for two years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop SAGE from coming!
...But HOW?"
 
That's another thing, why don't you go and ruin some Christmas Spirit in Dark City and record it to showcase around the internet? That would be an interesting sight. And maybe influence the designs of these fangame creators.
 
You’re a foul one, Dr. Egg
you have termites in your 'stache...
you have all the tender sweetness
of a 'gator that's real brash, Dr. Egg...man.
given the choice between the two of you
I’d take the 'gator that's real brash!

You’re a cruel one, Dr. Egg,
you think running is a sin...
you’re as cuddly as a Black bear
you don't give up until you win, Dr. Egg...man
I wouldn't touch you with a...
Twenty-foot Jetty-Syn!!!!!!

Did I win yet?

How about now?

I know I rhymed "sin" with "syn", shut up.

At least I used an SRB2 reference and actually made it sound like him.
 
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And now, ladies an gentlemen, is when we all start posting our lame SRB2-themed Christmas songs/poems.
 
With pleasure. I hereby present to you the twelve days of SRB2 Christmas!

On the first day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
A winning entry in OLDC.

On the second day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the third day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the fourth day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the fifth day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Five Super Rings, four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the sixth day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Six hidden emblems, five Super Rings, four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the seventh day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Seven Chaos Emeralds, six hidden emblems, five Super Rings, four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the eight day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Eight admins banning, seven Chaos Emeralds, six hidden emblems, five Super Rings, four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the ninth day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Nine Crawlas crawling, eight admins banning, seven Chaos Emeralds, six hidden emblems, five Super Rings, four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the tenth day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Ten mods-a-canceled, nine Crawlas crawling, eight admins banning, seven Chaos Emeralds, six hidden emblems, five Super Rings, four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the eleventh day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Eleven servers lagging, ten mods-a-canceled, nine Crawlas crawling, eight admins banning, seven Chaos Emeralds, six hidden emblems, five Super Rings, four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.

On the twelfth day of SRB2 Christmas my true love gave to me,
Twelve n00bs-a-trolling, eleven servers lagging, ten mods-a-canceled, nine Crawlas crawling, eight admins banning, seven Chaos Emeralds, six hidden emblems, five Super Rings, four rejected sprite rips, three WAD ports, two Jettysyns, and a winning entry in OLDC.
 
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Oh, you better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout I'm telling you why...
Slender Man is coming... to town.

He always stalks your children,
Sweeps them up tight in his claws,
He never gives them back again,
Better sleep with one eye shut.

Oh, you better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout I'm telling you why...
Slender Man is coming... to town.

He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you've been bad or good,
SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

Oh, you better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout I'm telling you why...
Slender Man is coming... TO TOWN!

Why yes, I am thinking of doing a comic to show my festive colours.
 
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose

When he went to the doctor,
they told him what he sadly knows

"Rudolph, your nose has cancer,
we're gonna to have to lop it off."

When Rudolph heard these words he...
was really truly quite distraught!

And so this foggy Christmas eve,
Santa came to say:

"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Holy shit dude, are you alright?"

"Well Santa" Rudolph stated,
"That nose of mine ain't coming back"

"You'd best get some lights put on that sleigh,
and pack some batteries at that!"


Dr. Robotnik, you despicable person, you truly will go to any lengths to achieve your ends.
 
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The thread starter could be be minorly repaired with the following alteration:
You’re a cruel one, Robotnik
Click to expand...
That at least brings the name into the song's syllables. Mis-ter-Grinch / Ro-bot-nik.

As to these others, I find them hilarious.
 
How did ruining Christmas go, Doctor? Did Robot Santa beat you to it again?

regd08.gif
 
All of those who posted a poem/song must now record an audio track of their song for the SRB2 Christmas 2010 Album. Especially you Ivo.

@Greg: what does that have to do with SRB2, exactly...?
 
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