Draykon Vokelda's writings (ZOMGSMSREDO!)

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Princess Plushima

Princess of Dreams
Judge
The last supernova to occur in recorded history happened back in the days of the flat earth society, before anyone knew what it was. At the beginning of our story, another star finally exploded. As it did, crystals rained from the the sky. They were roughly a foot tall, a diamond like shape, and ranged in colors. As the pulse of solar energy filled the night sky with it's blue aura, the crystals projected beams across the earth, forming a beautiful rainbow of light.

One particular gem, a jewel of beautiful impurity, colored a mixture of red, blue, and golden, landed near our hero, Sonic. Fascinated by it's brilliance, he lifted it from the ground. As he did, his mind began to wander, he felt ripples as though he were underwater. The sensation lasted only a minute before he regained focus, only to find the jewel had vanished. But there was more, his fur had turned a brilliant gold, with the occasional red marking. Yet this didn't surprise him at all, he thought it slightly scary only that his thoughts on the transformation were but one word, "finally"

He spent the rest of the night testing this new form. His physical abilities were enhanced greatly, he found he was able to run his favorite courses much faster. Even the occasional Eggbot was defeated with far greater ease. Still he remained unmoved by this radical transformation.

At dawn he had exhausted all the routes through the canyon where he had played all night, and still he felt the need to test himself. It was as though pushing the limits of this newfound energy would cause them to slide, granting him infinite power with enough training.

Now he began to feel a tad mischievous, and turned for the nearest city, to try his hand at racing cars, and wreaking other forms of harmless havok. But before he could get far along the path, he felt a sudden spear through his body. He realized he'd just been hit by an attack, but it was more than that... he began to feel tired... and fell asleep...


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It was nightfall again, the stars shone bright, and the sky glowed with the charged particles from the last night's supernova. A feeling of impending doom overshadowed the citizens of the city of Zerone. Sitting upon the clocktower where his assailant had deposited him, Sonic began to feel his mind wandering again. More distortions in the air around his body, something big was about to happen.

The light of one of the stars began to grow again. But this time it was different. The stars energy wasn't scattering this time, it was focused at something.

The supernova converged into a single beam of solar energy, and speared through the Earth's atmosphere. The clocktower was disintegrated in an instant, but Sonic remained. The energy had been what it took, Sonic's spines had turned to blue crystals, and his fur turned silver. His aura now dark purple, his air now darker. He looked upon the city of humans, and decided, "They must DIE!"


TOO BE CONTINUED!

Well, maybe. I MIGHT get roasted alive for this. Basically I'm trying to come up with a new story for SMS, without his permission of course. I'm TRYING to make it cool, but I'm not really the best at details when it comes to writing. Constructive critisism is appreciated, comments of "u suk 4 steeling sms char/making sms cool/posting fanfiction" is not.
 
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It makes SMS make sense (it's written well, don't get me wrong), but in the long run, SMS was never supposed to make sense.
 
Too lazy to write another chapter, and I don't want to until I feel I'm in the zone to make it cool anyway. This is a delicate operation, and I'm still expecting to get my ass flamed off at every turn.

Anyways, I put together a little wallpaper. I doubt any of you want SMS on your desktop, but it's the spirit of the thing.
http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/203/smswallpaperie5.png
Too big to directly post, if it doesn't fit your resolution just stretch it, I don't care.

I'll get around to that second part when I feel I can without risking ruining it.
(I'd like to hear what more people think about me attempting to redesign SMS, please speak up)
 
Hours passed before the sun finally rose on the ruined city, as it did so, the now crystaline hedgehog began to descend to the ground, as his power lowered, reverting him back to the golden form. An angelic voice echoed in his mind for a breif moment, "Please, Super Mystic, stop this maddness!"

So, Super Mystic was the name of the spirit, Sonic the name of the body. This made this new being, Super Mystic Sonic. He chuckled for a moment at the ridiculous sound of the name. He then thought about what he had done last night, he knew that killing thousands of people was a terrible thing, and that something had been controlling him. Yet he felt no regret, and saw no need to do anything about it.

SMS looked to the see, feeling he would find what he seeked. Though just what that was, he still wasn't sure.


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Running on water was a cinch. His aura projected a gravity-neutralizing field, lightining his body enough that simply moving quickly allowed him to practically glide. Over water, this greatly improved his Jesus impression. He had been running awhile now, seeing nothing but water, but out of the fog, something big appeared from seemingly nowhere.

It was a dark energy, composed of a blackened plasma, hovering into an island. It was unstable, constantly projecting brief prominences, and black lightning. The energy projected a feeling of doom to SMS, but his newfound confidence overcame this primal fear, and he ran straight in.



Deep within the storm of dark energy, Sonic game accross an old friend. He stayed behind the darkness, to hide his newfound power.
"Dr. Eggman, I shoulda known I'd find you here!"
"Bah, Sonic. Must you interfere with everything I do?! Stay out of my way this time at least, it's for your own good!"
"Hah, you thought I'd run away just like that? Let me show you a new trick I've learned! STARDASH!"

Sonic leapt out from behind the black light, spun into his traditional attack, but then launched several repeated pulses of energy, dashing through Eggman's mobile chair unit several times. He landed on the other side, as the Eggmobile began to explode.
"I won't go down that easily!" Eggman proudly proclaimed, as he pressed a button on his machine, to warp in a combat mech.

But something different happened this time. White lightning shot from outside the dark island, and struck the Eggmobile. The warp drive was disrupted, and a mech Eggman never built materialized around his machine.

The Egg Angel


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Seriously people, I'm wanting any sort of constructive critisism on my writing style. I'm looking to improve myself for more serious works. So c'mon! Say what's on your mind!
 
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