Am I the only one who hates their past posts?

UrbanPie

Skilled at being bad!
At the risk of sounding overly edgy, I'll just get straight to my point. I use to use this forum at 2015 and I just personally look back at my older posts and shake my head, wondering "Why was I like that"?

I remember making a whole song and dance over a thing and using the fact that I have "autism" to defend myself from my stupidity. Like you know that cliché saying; "Nothing on the internet can be deleted"? Well while that is somewhat true, nothing embracing can really escape your mind. And am I the only one who looks back at their old posts and think "Why did I post this?"

Alright, edginess over, it can be any post that's embarrassing or just stupid, it just needs to be a post you posted in this message board.
 
It's very common to look back at our past and feel embarrassed, life is growth after all, don't mind it.
 
I feel like most of my posting history has been pretty good. That being said, my posts that ARE bad are pretty awful. lol

I've always been a little prone to tunnel vision, so some of my... activism on the forums feels really pretentious in hindsight. You can't say that I don't try, though.




Every time I'm reminded of "old posts", I end up going back and reading all of my old posts for like two hours. Why do I do this to myself
 
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I'm quite blessed that I was a cringey middle schooler in the 90s and the internet was still in its infancy, but I also have plenty of things I'd rather forget. At the end of the day there's nothing that can be done about the past and it's not particularly worth worrying about. The best thing to do about it is to learn from your past mistakes and be a better person in the future.
 
At some point a couple of years ago I was in a state of worsening anxiety and irritation, and that was reflected in my posts. I strongly believed that due to my autism, there was no real reason to expect any other reaction from people than hostility. That led me towards the path of being provocative, aggressive, pessimistic, pretentious and all the "every story needs a villain"-phrases.


The fact is, when a human loses his faith in social interaction and human decency, they go off the rails. I am no different, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that everything was fine back then. Oh well, it was better for me to hit depression than insanity.



At this point, whether people forgive me or not for my behavior back then, that doesn't matter. Now that I have something to lose in RL, self-blame and regret is just another weight to bear. The Sin of Apathy.
 
Looking back I don't remember why I said what I said back then, but I can agree that while we can't really change what happened, we can learn from our mistakes and move forward. Learning from our mistakes is what makes us human and if given a choice to do everything over, I wouldn't change a thing.
 
At some point a couple of years ago I was in a state of worsening anxiety and irritation, and that was reflected in my posts. I strongly believed that due to my autism, there was no real reason to expect any other reaction from people than hostility. That led me towards the path of being provocative, aggressive, pessimistic, pretentious and all the "every story needs a villain"-phrases.


The fact is, when a human loses his faith in social interaction and human decency, they go off the rails. I am no different, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that everything was fine back then. Oh well, it was better for me to hit depression than insanity.



At this point, whether people forgive me or not for my behavior back then, that doesn't matter. Now that I have something to lose in RL, self-blame and regret is just another weight to bear. The Sin of Apathy.

Shit, dude. That's actually painfully relatable.
 
I really, really hate my past self for being such a colossal and pompous dick.
anytime I come across some of my old posts, I cringe at the mere sight of it. nowadays, i aim to try at the best of my ability to be respectful to people and not overdo banter that only comes off as rude.
 
Maybe in a future will regret about my bad explanations + bad english...

EDIT: Starting now
 
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I hate looking back, always.

When i saw my past... the only thing i see is "Bad english" and "Cringe things".

it's not being rude to the undertale community, but i was part of that fandom, and i was part of the cringe part... thanks to god i am here and not in there, seriously.

and... i am still bad in english lol.

(Update: this is entire message is cringe now imo)
 
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