A story i made(pls reply)

[pablo the hedgehog]

Here's a story i made. Enjoy!


Sonic and his friends were at the blue typhoon serching the chaos emeralds.

Sonic: R we there yet? Im getting really bored!

Tails: Not yet. WE still need a week to find the planet with the emerald.

Sonic: WWWAAAAATT!!!!! A WEEKK !!! I CANT WWAAIT JIST SITTING HERE!!!

Cream:Im bored too. HEY COSMO! Lets go bake a cake!!!

Chao: ChAO!! CHAO!!

Cosmo: Thats a great idea cream!

So they want to the kitchen and got prepared.

Cosmo: first ingredient....

CREAM!!!!!!


Cream:Excuse me!


TO BE CONTINUED.... :| :|

 

[StarBlazer]

Here's a story I made. Enjoy!


Sonic and his friends were at the blue typhoon searching for the chaos emeralds.

Sonic: Are we there yet? I'm getting really bored!

Tails: Not yet. We still need a week to find the planet with the emerald.

Sonic: WWWHHHAAAAATT!!!!! A WEEKK !!! I CAN'T WWAAIT JUST SITTING HERE!!!

Cream:I'm bored too. HEY COSMO! Lets go bake a cake!!!

Chao: ChAO!! CHAO!!

Cosmo: Thats a great idea cream!

So they went to the kitchen and got prepared.

Cosmo: First ingredient....

CREAM!!!!!!


Cream:Excuse me!


TO BE CONTINUED.... :| :|

Majorly fixed.

Whew, that took a while.

But it's kinda funny though.

 

[Maou-Shin Daioka]

.....What was the point of this story...?
Yes, I agree too, funny, but again, what was the point?

 

[Eidolon]

...funny?

What is funny nowadays? Is it not a great sense of humor tied in with hinting sexual jokes?

Good god, this was awful.

 

[StarBlazer]

.....What was the point of this story...?
Yes, I agree too, funny, but again, what was the point?

I don't know. People know a days like to make random comics/stories to see what people have to say.

Exhibit A - Bloody Lightings comics aren't that good either. No offense to him.

Exhibit B - This story needs to be more like..... storylike. It's just like a scene or an incident that happened. I wouldn't consider it a story.

But keep going I want to see what happens. lol

 

[clairebun]

If you need help with humor, this can explain a lot better than I can:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humor

Otherwise, it has a lot to fix. Written works should always contain an excellent sense of grammar, and if it's a comedy, then... well, you know, you ought to make it funny, obviously.

Work with those two for a bit, then make Chapter 2, while better utilizing those two things.

 

[StarBlazer]

If you need help with humor, this can explain a lot better than I can:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humor

Otherwise, it has a lot to fix. Written works should always contain an excellent sense of grammar, and if it's a comedy, then... well, you know, you ought to make it funny, obviously.

Work with those two for a bit, then make Chapter 2, while better utilizing those two things.

Agreed.

 

[Eidolon]

So what you're saying is Blue Warrior, that that was a full chapter?

 

[Shadow Hog]

What is funny nowadays?

A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk, have at you.

 

[pablo the hedgehog]

I knew it wasnt funny but it was my first forum.

 

[Maou-Shin Daioka]

I knew it wasnt funny but it was my first topic.

Fixed

This story....well I have already reviewed, but it's that bad, and most people can't tell sexual Sonic jokes correctly, and you, much to the replies I've seen from other people, are a prime example.

 

[clairebun]

So what you're saying is Blue Warrior, that that was a full chapter?

Uh, sure, apparently. Why?

 

[Eidolon]

I knew it wasnt funny but it was my first topic.

Fixed

This story....well I have already reviewed, but it's that bad, and most people can't tell sexual Sonic jokes correctly, and you, much to the replies I've seen from other people, are a prime example.

Yeah, but I don't tie in Sonic about 95% of the time.