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Old 04-01-2012   #1
Boinciel
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Default You There Sitting In Your Computer Chair, Picking Your Nose, Stop Dressing Like a Bum

Male members of the Sonic Robo Blast 2 message board;

It has come to my attention that the majority of you, being nocturnal and chair-bound for the majority of your waking lives, have come to the conclusion that jeans are acceptable businesswear. This is completely unacceptable. A full 90% of you will wear this clown garb to your first job interview (this statistic is definitely not made up), and wear them draped halfway around your bottom like a prison gang member or a drunken rapper. Not only is this ludicrously bothersome to any respectable upstanding member of society (note: I am one), but pants are not to be worn any lower than the navel! Government regulations on pant seats (article 22-B of the 1942 War Acts bill) state that no person is to have pants that do not fully cover his buttocks, lest he be found guilty of treason against the government of the United States of America.

Furthermore, another thing that irks me is the casualisation of the American workforce. At one point in time, "business casual" meant "wear a suit tieless", but standards have laxed to the point where no man is caught in a jacket if he wants to remain married! Standards of dress have fallen dramatically since the 1970s, and it is now a rarity to find someone even wearing buttoned pants of a natural fibre and not some polyester hootenanny.

The solution? There is a solution. The members of the Sky Sanctuary team have decided to work together to find it, and we did. We will work together to reinherit the legacy that our foreforeforefathers left us, and recreate the working conditions of the late-19th century man. Therefore, the following guidelines are to be enforced by deadly punishment;

  1. No man is to wear denim pants unless they are a farmer or mechanic. No boy is to wear denim unless they are of the rough-and-tumble variety.
  2. Pants are to be worn with no less than an 11" rise, and no greater than a 14" rise. Cuffs are enforced on dress pants for individuals with less than a 46" chest. Pant legs are to be no more than 36" in circumference and no less than the leg itself.
  3. Waistcoats are essential if not wearing a jacket, optional otherwise.
  4. Cotton T-shirts are to be relegated strictly as undergarments.
  5. Plus-fours are A-OK! Plus-twos and plus-sixes are under consideration.
  6. Socks are to be worn at the mid-calf or higher; no leg is to be seen. Plain is not an option, and this is to be an argyle-only zone for the next three weeks.
  7. Anything that is not wool, silk, cotton, linen, dacron, rayon, or gabardine is not allowed. Elastic is permitted in undergarments.
  8. Sock garters are required.
  9. Frock coats are to be worn outside. Three-piece sacque suits are to be worn inside. Please do not reverse this as it may cause irreparable damage to the public psyche.
  10. Formal events require cutaway tailcoats and top hats, no exceptions.
  11. Pleats in jackets.
  12. Belted backs in jackets.
  13. Bi-swing backs in jackets.
  14. Action backs in jackets.
  15. Pick two of the above four.
  16. Do not wear a double-breasted waistcoat with a double-breasted jacket. Anything else is fine.
  17. Suspenders are the rule of the day. Belts are passť.
  18. Cars? Go get a bicycle. Much more dignified.
  19. Doctor Who did not make bow ties cool; they have always been so.
  20. Spats are always in style.
  21. White shirts are the most useful shirt. Black shirts are the most useless.
  22. Black shoes go with any pants that are not dark brown. Dark brown shoes go with any pants that are not black. Spectator shoes are excellent.
  23. Get a hat that mirrors your overall head shape. Fedoras of a fur felt (I have several) are the most versatile, so start there.
  24. Go back to #1 and re-read before proceeding.
  25. Women can just keep on doing whatever they feel like, the rest of us will still find them attractive.
Are you 14 years old? Do you find dark and edgy things cool? Well, I have good news for you! Black, the darkest and edgiest colour OF THEM ALL, is also the best colour! Black is the most formal colour possible of shoe, hat, jacket, trousers, suspenders, and socks! Be sure to contrast it with a white shirt and you're still dark and edgy while also being completely stylish! You can add a contrasting red waistcoat to take on a Spanish look, or cover your face with foundation for instant goth! Are you worried about the white shirt? Don't be! Cover it up with a nice black wool waistcoat and you'll be just dandy!


I followed these guidelines and here I am lounging in my house! I am the coolest cat of the coolest cats. That is a link by the way so you can click on it and it will redirect you to an image. This is how I dress every day of every day, meow.
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Old 04-01-2012   #2
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tl;dr sry

So basically wear old stuff or something? I can live with that.

Quote:
Are you 14 years old?
How.
Did.
You.
Know.
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Last edited by Bbop800; 04-01-2012 at 04:53 AM.
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Old 04-01-2012   #3
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Eloquent as always, I see.
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Old 04-01-2012   #4
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Here, look, even this cat is better than you lot at this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Houndstooth Kid
Yesterday our new kitten Sheb Wooley took my sartorial advice and tried a sporty red theme.



His real straw Panama hat and plaid vest (stylishly left unbuttoned) date from the 1960s and show off his healthy physique. How can the ladies resist such a fine specimen of a cat?
The bright yet modest red of his outfit compliments the color of his fur and the feathers tucked into the pugree of his Panama hat add a dapper new dimension to an already sporty look. Of note is the bow of his purgee which is on the right side of the hat. Normally the bow is worn on the left side for males: this new fad was started primarily by Mr. Wooley and shows his ability to tastefully break from certain rules in pursuit of his own personal style.

Sheb is a model for all manly yet elegant cats and his level of sophistication of dress should be striven for by all on the male side of the feline species.
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Old 04-01-2012   #5
Fyrus
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That cat is quite fancy.
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Old 04-01-2012   #6
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Well I'll be damned, that cat has no pants, and yet it still looks cooler than us! D:
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Old 04-01-2012   #7
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The first thing I thought after seeing that cat was Monkey D Luffy. Does that make me a bad person?

Quote:
Black is the most formal colour possible of shoe, hat, jacket, trousers, suspenders, and socks!
Top it off with a cummerbund and bow tie and you'll be oozing classy.

Last edited by Ultimate; 04-01-2012 at 06:39 AM.
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Old 04-01-2012   #8
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I don't know what the big deal is, in England we already follow these reasonable guidelines for male dress anyway, I assume this is all a problem because you Americans are such uncultured ruffians.

But now, I must return to browsing the forums while wearing my top hat and checking the time on my spectacular pocket watch.
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Old 04-01-2012   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whackjood View Post
But now, I must return to browsing the forums while wearing my top hat and checking the time on my spectacular pocket watch.
You forgot to mention the monocle.
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Old 04-01-2012   #10
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I've been wearing the same tracksuit for 8 years in a row mostly every day if not actually every day

fuck your shit seriously i'm not buying anything else until it breaks
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Old 04-01-2012   #11
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very dapper and fancy. Me gusta.
I may very well live by your rules sir. Alas, I have not enough funds to purchase such clothing. And if I did, my school has a strict "no hats, hoods, are other such nonsense" policy.
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Old 04-01-2012   #12
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You're supposed to wear clothes while browsing the internet?

...Well. Guess I'd better get dressed.
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Old 04-01-2012   #13
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If you are having trouble choosing a hat to wear on the internet then here is the guide for you!

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Old 04-01-2012   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boinciel View Post
Get a hat that mirrors your overall head shape. Fedoras of a fur felt (I have several) are the most versatile, so start there.
Now I wish that my school didn't ban hats, cause those would look cool on me.
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Old 04-01-2012   #15
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so many fashionable hats... I have no clue which one to choose.
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Old 04-01-2012   #16
Fyrus
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This isn't TF2. Stop posting hats.
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Old 04-01-2012   #17
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How would this work?
Edit:Boom.
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Last edited by Torgo; 04-04-2012 at 12:57 PM.
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Old 04-01-2012   #18
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Those pixels are terrible. You obviously need to ask Dr. Ivo Robotnik for some assistance in getting your work to look more HD.
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Old 04-01-2012   #19
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It is how they look though. Not much can be done.
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Old 04-01-2012   #20
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Spoiler:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boinciel View Post
Are you 14 years old? Do you find dark and edgy things cool? Well, I have good news for you! Black, the darkest and edgiest colour OF THEM ALL, is also the best colour! Black is the most formal colour possible of shoe, hat, jacket, trousers, suspenders, and socks! Be sure to contrast it with a white shirt and you're still dark and edgy while also being completely stylish! You can add a contrasting red waistcoat to take on a Spanish look, or cover your face with foundation for instant goth! Are you worried about the white shirt? Don't be! Cover it up with a nice black wool waistcoat and you'll be just dandy!


I followed these guidelines and here I am lounging in my house! I am the coolest cat of the coolest cats. That is a link by the way so you can click on it and it will redirect you to an image. This is how I dress every day of every day, meow.


Honestly, I also prefer older and more traditional clothes, especially the hat like yours. I developed this cloth taste since I watch japanese animes (inside of schools of these animes, most of the time, people wear a formal and a traditional panoply.)
Generations increase, and everything is becoming less ancient, not only for the clothes, but also for music, technology...a lot of things. And jeans (even if I don't really like them) are trivial clothes, it's not the kind of cloth which is noticed. I think that liking older clothes is a taste. It couldn't break the "nowadays fashion : jeans" because a lot of people prefer this than more traditional clothes.

About how to be dressed in the front of the computer, however, I think that anything could fit. (As long it is a cloth, it's ok.) When I'm around other people, however, I only wear what I like to show to others.
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Last edited by Internet Explorer; 04-01-2012 at 08:19 PM.
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