Erm...

Guys, I think I'm out of luck here, but I must ask.

My laptop is broken, and so my only form of internet access is an Android phone that belongs to my sister and a Wii U, (which I'm using right now). How do I get SRB2 on either of these devices?

STJR have said they would not make an android port. A Wii U port may happen when homebrew is possible (I think an exploit was found actually but I don't do that stuff so I haven't actually researched it.) since a Wii port was made. But nothing has actually been made yet so sorry, you're out of luck for now.

The simple answer is that you don't.