Hey guys: This just happened a couple minutes ago. Can you analyze it for me?

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Fawfulfan

Fawfulfan

The Tortured Planet guy
I'm in school right now, and something just happened literally a couple of minutes ago. I certainly don't pride myself on having infallible social skills--because of my Asperger's Syndrome, it can be a challenge for me--but I don't think I was unreasonable here. What do you guys think about this scene that just transpired?

I just came into the computer lab to work on an online class. Another class is just filtering out. There is a girl (I'm withholding her name) who is sitting at a computer, just talking to two other people. She is not using the computer--it isn't even logged in. Although there are a few other open computers, the computer she's sitting at has a lot of bookmarks and custom settings I put on it, and it would be easiest if I used that computer.

So...I walk up to her and ask "Excuse me, but I have a lot of bookmarks on that computer, and I was wondering if I could use it."

She says "I'm using it. Can you be patient?"

I say "Uh, yes...but you don't actually seem to--"

"This is a social skill." she cuts across me. "When somebody is using a computer, wait until they're done with it. Don't just hover over them." (Mind, I only just walked into the room).

I ignore the condescension, and, keeping my tone steady and calm, say again, "But you aren't actually using the--"

She stands up to go to her next class, and, interrupting again, says "You have poor social skills, and I just taught you one." With that, she marches off, leaving me standing there.


I know this is an unusual thing to post on a message board, but it's fresh in my mind and I want your opinions. Was I at fault here? Could I have done something better? Or was she simply being rude?
 
From what I'm reading, you acted fine by my standards. You had perfectly good reasons to use that one computer, as well as suspicions that she may not have had to sit at that computer, which you attempted to convey to her in a manner that was as civil as you could've gotten in that situation. And judgong from your considerable tact when you post on this message board, if she would have given you a good reason why she was using that computer, you would have worked someplace else and wouldn't have "hovered" around her.

Now, this girl clearly interrupted you not because she has a poor sense of tempo in conversation, but because she wanted to shut you up before you made your point. In my mind, she has bad social skills. Now, I can sympathize with somebody who has poor social skills, either from a lack of experience, unfamiliarity with a culture's particular social nuances, or from having a properly-diagnosed social disorder (understand that I'm not attempting to gauge your real-life social skills, fawfulfan). What I have trouble sympatising with are people who have a good understanding of social graces, yet choose to act like assholes anyway. From the description in your post, I'd say this girl falls into the latter category.

tl;dr: This girl is a pompous jerk and I don't think you have anything to worry about. Hope that helps.
 
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I'm not worrying...that's the conclusion I came to myself. I was just eager to hear your thoughts on the matter.
 
Ignore it, she's just being a bit egotistical or whatever the word is.

Also, you don't have your settings stored server-side? Daaaaamn, how old is your school's network? =P
 
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We have our settings stored; we just don't have things like bookmarks and cookies stored. One thing we really need is Mozilla Firefox, but I've talked to the guy in charge of the computers and he says that his computer-minded associates have told him that it isn't as secure as Internet Explorer. I think that that could easily be disproven, but there you have it.
 
She's right, she did teach you a very important social skill, how to not back down before a self-righteous bully.
It sounds to me like all you were doing was forcing her to pick up and move during a conversation because she was using a computer you needed... she didn't want to move so she tried to make you think you were doing something socially inappropriate. I'm a little shy myself, but even I know when it gets unreasonable.

Computers at this college don't have firefox either, and man do I miss it. I don't have the research necessary to be the one to push it, but I'm very tempted to try to make room on my flash drive for firefox... after all, I already carry Gimp around with me. (and touhou, but can't play that without headphones)
 
Most lab computers at my college have Firefox, and they make use of roaming profiles, but to be frank, I don't care. I carry my laptop with me wherever I go. Those computers are honestly kinda scary, what with surveillance and all (one of the systems I went on has a VNC server running that I couldn't disable, wonder what that is for). Plus, I wouldn't be able to make use of my private cloud, nor would I have access to any of my other programs or Linux technologies that I take for granted.

My general opinion of most academic IT departments is that they're absurdly incompetent. I recommend that you try to find whatever way allows you to compute in comfort, whether that is finding some exploit in the restrictions, running software from a flash drive, or bringing your own laptop. So much better than conforming to the horrible environment the so-called IT "technicians" set up for you.
 
Reminds me of alot of the girls at my school. Anyways I say you didn't do anything wrong. She was the one being rude and is the one who needs to learn some social skills. I could have only imagined what kind of big mess I would have gotten myself into in that situation.
 
Women these days....
Just kidding!

A lot of "popular" girls think they can do whatever they want. I say just ignore her and live with it. You have done nothing wrong.
 
Maybe it wasn't exactly what you said, but the way you said it. Two different people could say the same thing, and the one being respected more is the one that either looks and sounds normal, or is higher above you. It's all about body signals too. Maybe you looked nervous when talking, or sometimes looked around her while talking. But her response makes absolutely no sense, so you still shouldn't worry about her.

My college school is also on a network with your own folder, but no bookmarks or cookies are saved. The least you could do is save the link as an actual file on your folder. Then just open your Bookmarks folder, and choose the link you want.
 
Fawfulfan, you approached that situation in the correct manner. I don't doubt she thinks you are a dick, but that's because she's a bigger one.
 
fawfulfan said:
I'm in school right now, and something just happened literally a couple of minutes ago. I certainly don't pride myself on having infallible social skills--because of my Asperger's Syndrome, it can be a challenge for me--but I don't think I was unreasonable here. What do you guys think about this scene that just transpired?

I just came into the computer lab to work on an online class. Another class is just filtering out. There is a girl (I'm withholding her name) who is sitting at a computer, just talking to two other people. She is not using the computer--it isn't even logged in. Although there are a few other open computers, the computer she's sitting at has a lot of bookmarks and custom settings I put on it, and it would be easiest if I used that computer.

So...I walk up to her and ask "Excuse me, but I have a lot of bookmarks on that computer, and I was wondering if I could use it."

She says "I'm using it. Can you be patient?"

I say "Uh, yes...but you don't actually seem to--"

"This is a social skill." she cuts across me. "When somebody is using a computer, wait until they're done with it. Don't just hover over them." (Mind, I only just walked into the room).

I ignore the condescension, and, keeping my tone steady and calm, say again, "But you aren't actually using the--"

She stands up to go to her next class, and, interrupting again, says "You have poor social skills, and I just taught you one." With that, she marches off, leaving me standing there.


I know this is an unusual thing to post on a message board, but it's fresh in my mind and I want your opinions. Was I at fault here? Could I have done something better? Or was she simply being rude?
Click to expand...

I have the kind of problem with being confused about social aspects, that's why I just keep quiet in school and only talk all open and freely to people I know and Trust.
 
Autosaver said:
Women these days....
Just kidding!

A lot of "popular" girls think they can do whatever they want. I say just ignore her and live with it. You have done nothing wrong.
Click to expand...

Heh, I wouldn't say she's "popular"...we don't really have a ruling class of popular kids at my school like they do at most schools, because there's only 90 students. She definitely has some issues, though...

By the way, this same girl is actually sitting two computers down from me as I type this!
 
I think that you asking the girl to move from the computer was totally justified, she wan't using it so you had the right away for using it. The last time a girl did the same thing to me (same conversation oddly enough) she didn't move but I just kept annoying her since she was one of the "popular" girls (not all that popular to a majority of the school) and I just kept glaring at her, and sometimes when I glare, it gets pretty scary.

The girl left after I creeped her out for a while, it helped that she was already afraid of me before. (I don't know why, I was actually pretty nice that whole year before then...)

I know that this may make me sound like an asshole but don't blame me for my reaction, blame my mom. She was the one that taught me and my sister that one day when a bunch of teens were blocking the entrance of a gamestop and she actually scared everyone around her, including me and my sis, when she said "Excuse us!" really loud. She then explained why in a long conversation that I utterly forgot because I was looking for a very rare game... I got the game but forgot that lesson until that computer incident. How odd...
 
...and I just kept glaring at her, and sometimes when I glare, it gets pretty scary.
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...That sounds like an effective way to alienate friends, make enemies, and get a restraining order issued against you. But hey, you got that computer!
 
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I was joking, my glare makes me look like I have parkinsons. That si what I meant when I said it gets pretty scary... It still creeped her out. XD
 
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